The Secret to Being Happy (All the Damn Time)

When I was in the murky depths of depression, I used to love it when it rained. The more gray, gloomy and miserable the weather, the better. My then-partner was always puzzled by this meteorological preference. “Who prefers bad weather?” he asked, “Why on earth do you like it so much?”

The answer came swiftly, taking me by surprise with its simplicity and bone-aching truth: “Because it’s the only time my outsides match my insides.”

Because it’s the only time my outsides match my insides.

In the middle of that five-year journey through my own private hell, crappy weather provided a sense of relief. When it was gloomy outside — as it always was within — it was such a relief. I didn’t have to pretend. I could finally exhale. It was such a blessed, welcome reprieve to feel aligned for a day or two while the heavens opened up… even if that alignment was not in the happy, shiny direction that most people prefer their inner compasses to point.

Mercifully, I climbed out of my depression. But at some stage during the reflection and dissection that was to follow, I came back to this point — to the intense feeling of relief and release that I got when “my outsides matched my insides.”

And I realized this truth: It’s still true. It’s always true. In fact, having outsides that match your insides is the key to happiness. Seriously. Except, of course, it’s not normally about the weather aligning with how we feel, but about our actions, behaviors and lifestyle matching up with our internal state.

This “matching up” is actually a well-recognized concept that far smarter people than me have described in far more intellectual terms. Psychologists call it the concept of “congruence,” and it refers to the human drive to live in alignment with who we are and who we want to be. Unhappiness and stress arise when there is tension and discord with who we think we are (or want to be) and how we actually show up in the world.

Most of us know all too well how this feels. It’s that feeling when you desperately ache to lose weight, yet spend your nights curled up with a family-sized block of Hershey’s finest.

It’s when your family is your biggest priority, and yet you find yourself stuck at work, missing your daughter’s ballet recital.

It’s when you know in your bones you’re meant to be a writer/actor/zookeeper, and yet you never get around to doing any writing/acting/zoo keeping because you “just don’t have time.”

This lack of congruence can show up in even the smallest moments of our day, creating tension that we aren’t even consciously aware of, but that is accumulating stress-fully nevertheless. Like when you walk into your room and dump all your belongings on the floor, even though you value staying organized and minimizing clutter. Or when you check your email throughout dinner, even though you highly value being present for your partner. Or when you stay up late binge-watching Suits, even though you know you need more sleep.

All these little actions which are out of alignment with who you are and who you desire to be are hurting you. Perhaps incrementally, perhaps a lot.

Yet the solution is so effortlessly simple (but let’s not get this concept confused with “easy” — it is not always easy). All you have to do is align your life with your values: align your actions with your intentions, align your habits with your desired outcomes, align your minutes with how you want your days to be.

That’s the secret to feeling happy, all the damn time. It’s how to achieve your goals and realize your purpose and feel the way you want to feel. If you can make your outsides match your insides… everything is possible.

And now, I am happiest when the sky is a clear and blazing blue.

BY: Jessica Larsen, The Blog, Huffingtonpost.com

Advertisements

I never learned how to swim.

I just read something that really resonated with me, a comment on my favorite blog, askamanager.org.

“I think sometimes quitting or acknowledging something isn’t working out is considered a weakness. It’s drilled into our heads as kids that if we do a good job, try hard and are nice then we’ll be rewarded, but sometimes it doesn’t go that way, there’s nothing you can do to fix it and the more you try to fix it the worse it gets. To me it’s a strength to be able to assess a situation and have the sense to realize it won’t get better. It may not get worse but it could take all kinds of extra effort on my part just to keep treading water while . . . others . . . are swimming laps past me.”

I’ll need to spend some time thinking about this.

http://www.askamanager.org/2014/07/my-office-permits-bad-behavior-under-the-guise-of-harmony.html#comment-516773

To Be Successful

 

You have to do the hard things.

 

  • You have to make the call you’re afraid to make.
  • You have to get up earlier than you want to get up.
  • You have to give more than you get in return right away.
  • You have to care more about others than they care about you.
  • You have to fight when you are already injured, bloody, and sore.
  • You have to feel unsure and insecure when playing it safe seems smarter.
  • You have to lead when no one else is following you yet.
  • You have to invest in yourself even though no one else is.
  • You have to look like a fool while you’re looking for answers you don’t have.
  • You have to grind out the details when it’s easier to shrug them off.
  • You have to deliver results when making excuses is an option.
  • You have to search for your own explanations even when you’re told to accept the “facts.”
  • You have to make mistakes and look like an idiot.
  • You have to try, fail and try again.
  • You have to run faster even though you’re out of breath.
  • You have to be kind to people who have been cruel to you.
  • You have to meet deadlines that are unreasonable and deliver results that are unparalleled.
  • You have to be accountable for your actions even when things go wrong.
  • You have to keep moving towards where you want to be no matter what’s in front of you.

 

You have to do the hard things. The things that no one else is doing. The things that scare you. The things that make you wonder how much longer you can hold on.

 

Those are the things that define you. Those are the things that make the difference between living a life of mediocrity or outrageous success.

 

The hard things are the easiest things to avoid. To excuse away. To pretend like they don’t apply to you.

 

The simple truth about how ordinary people accomplish outrageous feats of success is that they do the hard things that smarter, wealthier, more qualified people don’t have the courage — or desperation — to do.

 

Do the hard things. You might be surprised at how amazing you really are.

 

The Luthas Corporation

My goal is for all of us to be happy, successful and grow together.. you can find much more daily motivational material like this here:

My InstaGram page: @DameLuthas

Twitter: @DameLuthas

Enjoy the list below 😉

You have to do the hard things.

  • You have to make the call you’re afraid to make.
  • You have to get up earlier than you want to get up.
  • You have to give more than you get in return right away.
  • You have to care more about others than they care about you.
  • You have to fight when you are already injured, bloody, and sore.
  • You have to feel unsure and insecure when playing it safe seems smarter.
  • You have to lead when no one else is following you yet.
  • You have to invest in yourself even though no one else is.
  • You have to look like a fool while you’re looking for answers…

View original post 258 more words

Be Brave

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the callers. Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. Don’t major in minor things. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Helen Keller, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don’t spread yourself too thin. Learn to say no politely and quickly. Don’t use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Don’t waste time grieving over past mistakes Learn from them and move on. Every person needs to have their moment in the sun, when they raise their arms in victory, knowing that on this day, at his hour, they were at their very best. Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, ‘Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office’. Give people a second chance, but not a third. Judge your success by the degree that you’re enjoying peace, health and love. Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life and death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems. Never cut what can be untied. Never overestimate your power to change others. Never underestimate your power to change yourself. Remember that overnight success usually takes about fifteen years. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do. Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out. Spend less time worrying who’s right, more time deciding what’s right. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. The importance of winning is not what we get from it, but what we become because of it. When facing a difficult task, act as though it’s impossible to fail.”

— Jackson Brown Jr.